A Fembot in Every Soul
by Hashkorns
Summary: In which Marlene learns of the femmight side of Tifa. Shelke observes and Reeve carries a pink umbrella. Warnings: Tifa is a bit off her rocker. Read and review, please.


The pitter patter of heavy rain droplets continued on like an ensemble of exotic musicians. Their unrelenting, unchanging pattern hypnotizing those staring out of the two-story bar almost instantly. The young girl sighed with boredom and averted her gaze from the blurry, rain-running windows and glanced at the other occupants of the bar. Sitting in one of the large comfy booths that lined the entirety of the bar's left wall was the new member of the Strife-Lockhart-Wallace home Shelke Rui. She was absentmindedly tracing a finger around the lips of her dainty, floral-design painted tea cup while glancing down at the cell phone she held in her other hand, looking hopeful to the verge of nervousness. No doubt she was waiting for Vincent to call. There was a familiar cheerful hum behind the bar counter and Marlene's brown orbs flitted from Shelke to the young woman cleaning the alcohol flooded counter surface with a rag, occasionally tucking a strand of silky brown hair behind a delicate ear. Tifa glanced up to see Marlene staring and gave the girl a smile which the young girl returned with a shy, embarrassed one of her own.

There was a loud commotion upstairs. No doubt Denzel and his new friends whom he had invited over with the intent of playing behind the bar before the heavy rain trapped them inside. At the thought of Denzel and his 'guy friends' Marlene gave an angry huff. The other two females in the room looked up at the noise though Marlene didn't notice. The not-even-ten-year-old girl cupped the sides of her face with her hands and slowly slid forward in her seat, the skin of her elbow making a dragging noise as it dragged across the table top. The humming had stopped and there was a soft robotic voice saying, "You have ONE new message," in the background.

"Marlene, is something wrong?"

Said girl sat up quickly at the mention of her name and looked up to see the woman's face twisted in concern. Her chocolate eyes looked down at the young girl's matching ones, as if somehow the sameness of their eyes might be able to help Tifa understand the girl's distress.

Marlene forced a smile, so painfully fake to watch. "Everything's okay, Tifa."

Tifa frowned. It was obvious the child was lying to her. She surprised the girl when she pulled up a chair and sat facing her. Linking her fingers together, she rested her chin upon them and looked at her with narrowed, inquiring eyes. "Is it Cloud?"

Marlene shook her head furiously. "No no! It's definitely not Cloud. He promised he'd be back for dinner tonight and Cloud NEVER breaks a promise."

Tifa smiled in victory. "So there _is_ something wrong!"

"…" Marlene blushed to her ears and fiddled with her fingers. She tried looking everywhere except at the woman in front of her.

"C'mon, you can tell me. I won't tell anyone. Promise." She held out a delicate pinky, a graceful pinky despite being the fifth and farthest digit on any normal body's hand. Tifa always makes anything graceful. That's just how the martial artist was, Marlene thought before she looked up slowly at the woman sitting opposite of her. She linked the woman's pinky with her much smaller one.

"Okay," she said with a sigh.

Tifa leaned in and Shelke unconsciously did the same.

Marlene sighed again before taking on an angry, frustrated expression. "It's Denzel! He won't let me play with them just because his stupid GUY friends are over. He said that it's not COOL to play with LITTLE girls and that they other guys would make fun of him for it." Tifa nodded understandingly and as Marlene's eyes began to tear and her bottom lip trembled. It looked almost adorable. "A-and, it's just not fair! I can't HELP being a girl! A-and…and ugh! Boys are just so STUPID!"

The girl continued to sob and half expected Tifa to chide her for saying such generalizing things. She expected the woman to tell her in gentle voice that not all voice are like that, and then she would proceed to tick off examples of nice boys like Kaitzer then a strange look would come across her face before disregarding Kaitzer as a nice boy and then doing the same with Nanaki and then-… Marlene's little imagination could've gone on and on but what she didn't expect the martial artist to do was…

"Ugh, I totally understand where you're going with this, Marlene!" came the sage reply.

Eh…what?

Marlene looked up with wide eyes, which by the way caused the tears collecting in the corners of her eyes to leak down, to see Tifa staring back at her with fierce chocolate eyes and her arms crossed across her ample bosom.

When she spoke, her voice was slightly snappy. "What with all that testosterone running around in them, it's a wonder they can even do something else besides think about sex, booze, marshmallows, smoking, dead girlfriends, perverted thoughts about big-breasted women and the lack of thinking about sex, booze, marshmallows, smoking, dead girlfriends, perverted thoughts about big-breasted women," here she inhaled with a sharp intake of breath, obviously intent on continuing. Marlene didn't have to turn around to hear Shelke drop her cell phone on the table. "And my God! I don't know what frustrates me the most, the kind that pay too much attention or the kind that pay zero attention at all even though you go out of your way 24/7 to make sure they notice the new skirt or hair cut or whatever the hell else you do to make them stand out and," more oxygen replenishing, "you're absolutely right, Marlene! Boys officially SUCK. Don't waste any tears for them." She leaned forward to wipe away at the tears still on the girl's cheeks.

Marlene only stared back in shock with her jaw hanging open. She could imagine Shelke with a similar expression on her face.

Tifa took in a breath but this time she didn't run her mouth. She merely smiled at the still shocked girl and stood up. "I know it's a bit late but I've got lunch ready. Go upstairs and tell Denzel and his friends to come down and eat."

Marlene opened her mouth to say something but Tifa cut in, "Oh and if they don't let you in, tell them to cut the masculinity crap before you rip their ego-driven genitals off with your hands and stuff it up their immature ass." The martial artist beamed at her and threw a wink over her shoulder.

Marlene hopped off her chair and sprinted up the stairs. Shelke heard a loud knocking on the doors and the young girl's loud voice repeating what Tifa had just said in a tone that woulda done Barret proud.

Reeve came in through the door with a large pink umbrella and rain drenched 1087 gil shiny shoes. He arched an eyebrow when a trail of five extremely frightened boys scurried down the stairs and into the kitchen with Marlene in tow, a cat's-got-the-cream expression on her face.

"Lunch's in the kitchen, Reeve," Tifa gave him an almost predatory smile that made Reeve particularly nervous. She high-fived Marlene and threw an arm around the girl's shoulder before pushing the swinging door open and administering more man-abuse.

The commissioner of the word-renowned WRO looked at younger Rui with an expression of utmost confusion. "Did….something happen?"

"I believe a… 'bitch fest' occurred between Tifa Lockhart and Marlene Wallace approximately five minutes ago in which both females took it upon themselves to exact revenge on the entirety of the male population for disregarding the female might."

"Huh."

"I also believe that Tifa Lockhart might be…" the girl paused, struggling to find the words that Cid always used, "actin' all riled up like some hog settin' on a porcupine just cos it's Bloody Mary down her hooch for the five days'".

Whether it was the girl's flat, monotone voice or simply the blank expression on her face or something else, Reeve Tuesti, whom most people would believe to be VERY serious at times, burst out into a fit of giggles.

Shelke blinked in confusion.

Reeve waved his hand at her, trying to cover his giggling face with a hand. "It's…it's n-nothing! C'mon, time to eat."

Shelke slid off the booth sit and entered the kitchen the same time one of Denzel's friends rushed out crying Mother Jesus.

And she was just telling Vincent that normal childhood was FAR from normal in her opinion.

Marlene was cackling merrily in the background.

End.

A/N: This story sort of changed directions from beginning to end. Other than Tifa sudden change in demeanor I don't think this story has a point other than a snap shot out of the Strife-Lockhart-Wallace household with Shelke thrown in. I do have to apologize for Tifa's out of characterness. I swear it's the menstruel cycle typing through me. I'd like to think it was semi-good but tell me what you think. Leave a review before hitting that back button please.


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